Jumping into the beautiful turquoise Caribbean ocean is one of many steps I am choosing to take while emerging from…well…. the last year or so of life.
And I needed a life jacket.
I knew long before this particular “step” that I had slipped into default survival mode but could not tell how far. It was apparent there would be an unpacking of coping skills that became habits based on stress and the fear response. Even though I try to be as conscious as possible about all my blind spots, (who am I kidding!) I have fallen and picked myself up enough times to know my brain and ego are brilliantly capable of seeking comfort as the easiest route when faced with difficult situations. Seeking comfort, safety, and maintaining basic functioning are imperative to our survival. It is what our body naturally does with the stress response to protect us from harm.
But what happens when the stress response is long-term?
Turquoise Highway
In the book, Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst, Robert Sapolsky states – “if you’re stressed like a normal mammal in an acute physical crisis, the stress response is lifesaving. But if instead you chronically activate the stress response for reasons of psychological stress, your health suffers.” Chronic stress strengthens the amygdala, the part of our brain responsible for reactions to different situations, behavior, memories, and emotions. However, a strong amygdala based on stress does not support living an inspired wholehearted life! Instead, it becomes hardwired in the fear response which then contributes to living in a fearful default mode. So, in a way, our automatic and unconscious response to everyday life is based on fear. Think about all the situations in the world today that create chronic stress and are causing potential serious harm to our mental health and physical well-being!
Fortunately, when we explore and understand our personal reactions to stress, the brain has the awesome ability to be re-wired with new coping skills. We can become aware of our memories and emotions and begin to choose our responses.
Back to the life jacket moment and how it relates to all of this!
The trip to St. George’s Caye in Belize was scheduled for March 2020. Although it was obviously canceled, I intentionally kept my bags packed in plain sight as a reminder to someday TAKE THE TRIP. Since then, I have been cautiously peeking my head out from behind a metaphorical curtain to see when it was safe for travel. From the pine trees near home to Central America, travel feeds my soul.
Trying to look seriously stressed.
For the last 12 months, the world has navigated unprecedented circumstances and re-adjusted time and time again with hope, fear, loss, best effort, exhaustion, highs, lows, and everything in between. Chronic stress has become the norm and I knew it. I was mindfully choosing to step out and take a good look at myself and repair the damage.
When the trip finally happened, I found myself cautiously navigating a whole new landscape. It was uncomfortable. Travel was different and there were new unknowns to face. Any new beginning can be nerve-racking, and in this case, the benefits to my overall well-being outweighed the alternative.
After navigating safety precautions and international travel hoops, I was finally gloriously smiling with wind tousled hair and skin covered in briny crystals of the Caribbean ocean. Mesmerized by the “turquoise highway” and the never-ending horizon, my eyes stretched to soak in the natural beauty. Life was simple and deeply satisfying.
The boat stopped at our snorkeling spot just beyond an opening in the reef. And then, it started to happen. Like a ping pong ball bouncing between opposing thoughts of “what if” and “seriously, it is salt water, you float”, I was watching my brain go through the back-and-forth contemplation of risk vs. benefit and a long list of potential scenarios. My body tensed up and my brain went into overdrive. I was nervous to get in the water. I had never thought twice about jumping into the ocean before that day so what was the big deal about throwing a life jacket on to jump into the warm waters of Belize?
Nothing.
But it was a clear indicator of the shift that had occurred. I was responding fearfully. I did not realize how much caution had taken over interacting with life. My amygdala was the main attraction on stage right now and I knew it. At that moment, it was fascinating to witness my fear response play out in an otherwise totally exciting and reasonably safe experience. I was literally watching a Broadway one-woman show starring my overgrown fear-based amygdala. She knew the part and played it well. However, the benefits outweighed the risks, and I wanted to enjoy myself at this moment. That meant I would have to consciously acknowledge my diva amygdala and tell her it was time to take a back seat.
Move over lady, it is time to play!
And then, my adventurous and ocean-loving self stepped out of fear by grabbing a hold of the life jacket and jumping in the magical turquoise water. The only slight risk taken was seeing the looks of another embarrassing Mom moment on the faces of my two boys patiently waiting in the ocean.
restoring ourselves in beauty
It took three breaths with my face underwater to relax into the magical world of the Belize Barrier Reef. Like an old friend, the spark of playful curiosity quickly dissolved any fear as my attention shifted to the subtle outline in the sand of an enormous manta ray about 30 feet below. My wild-hearted mountain mermaid persona took center stage as the perceived stress response exited stage right. The next 90 minutes were an empyreal delight.
Moments later, I realized the life jacket was now in my way and I did not need it anymore. Along with all my tension and stress, the life jacket trailed behind in the wake of my flippers. The warm Caribbean waters started to wash away the heaviness, worry, fear, and grief. It was time to let it go. Emerging at the surface, I realized how wonderful it felt to be in the ocean. Welcome back inspiration, hope, and excitement!
Now more than ever, taking the time to heal and recover is imperative to our health and well-being. We can take steps to gain a big-picture perspective on how we have adjusted and navigated extenuating circumstances. From there, we can make the shift back to living in balance. It takes practice and conscious persistence to shift out of the survival mode and on the road of re-emerging into the fullness of life. Life is and will always be an ocean of ebb and flow. Our participation in life includes the cycle to nurture, grow and heal.
Tending to our stress and grief allows healing to begin. Choosing to nurture ourselves is wisdom. Sometimes we need to grab a life jacket to grow into new experiences. It helps to have the support and buoyancy while we learn to trust ourselves and hop back on the waves. With practice, we eventually re-wire our minds to listen with our hearts and the whole self, instead of the fearful voice.
What would it feel like to be inspired, excited, and hopeful? Do you remember?
I am so glad I grabbed the life jacket and jumped in! Are you ready?
Inspired Mountain Mermaid
